I've been in such a whirlwind of chaos that I haven't even slowed down to sleep! that's how bad things have gotten.
This weeks major events were as follows:
Had oral surgery last friday, and had a wisdom tooth pulled with no laughing gas, pills, or anything other than a local...as soon as it wore off, holy hell i was in pain! STILL am! It took like 45 minutes, which felt like eternity! i didn't think they would ever get it out! and as she was putting the novicane and other numbing agents in, i felt like my heart was gonna explode it was beating so fast. Scary! :( She had a heck of a time getting it out cuz it was still pretty rooted, but it needed to come out. Just look at this thing!!! it looks like a damn sharks fang!!! LOL
THEN....i got sick as hell from the narcotic pain killers, so was sick in bed and on the couch all weekend, and eating next to nothing. Head was splititng massivly and adding to my misery, untill i realized that I had not had any caffeine for 3 days! i was in caffeine withdrawl! GEEZ! So one iced quad caramel machiatto fixed that right up...and then Sarah cooked home made potato soup and grilled cheese for me while we watched L Word. I'm convinced it's home made cookin that makes everything all better!!
THEN ....monday i caught up on homework. Tuesday in class all day. Ready to go home and crash after class, but felt called to check the rental equipment book out, and see that all the light kits are booked for the entire week expect for that night! so checked it out, and knew i was in for a long night and next day. Finally ready to crash and veg out....phone rings.
My sister is the one calling...i decide to let it ring because i'm pooped and wanna relax. Later i check the message. "Hey Annie this is Jen, I really need you. Mom is having chest pains, and I need to take her up to the ER but nobody is here to stay with the girls. So if u get this message, come on over. Hurry!"
OMG!
I rush around, grab my bag and head over.
Darin is there before me. My mother is up and talking and fine and she's even going on and on about her last heart attack, and allt he things they had to do for her and I say "mom! treat now, talk later!" so she starts to gather her things, and they start to give instructions and walk out the door like they are going out to a show, and were the babysitters! it was crazy and surreal. And get this! as my mother is heading out the door, in the heat of the moment potentially having a heart attack, she STILL is hospitable, and is offering Darin and I home made cookies!!!! LOL it was totally amusing.
So I was up all night tuesday at thier house frantically trying to stay busy to keep my mind off things. Didn't want to call anyone, cuz everyone i know was sleeping and had to work the next day.
I manage to drift off around 6am, and my phone alarm goes off at 8. I have counseling at 9.
I get to counseling and have loads of material to dump and i do. after i'm all done venting and completely stressed out and delerious from not sleeping, she says those dreaded words..."Well Annie, there's something i need to tell you, i'm going to be leaving this agency in a couple months, and i've been breaking the news to my clients now, so we can start working on the transition..." *silence*
*silence*
I was pist! i was sad! i was angry! i was mad. I wanted to scream at her, i wanted to get up and walk out. I wanted to say "fuck you", i wanted to cry. It was a mixed emotional state...and i had been dreading this moment from day one. I told her months ago I was having trouble "letting her in" because it was inevitable that she would leave...cuz they always do. She said back to me word for word: "wellt hat's not gonna happen Annie, i'm not going anywhere."
UGH!
Yes, i know i've learned a lot from her, she's the best damn therapist i've ever had. She was truely the best. I know i'll take with me all these wonderful skills, and that she helped me through some really rough stuff.
However. You have to know that she is probably therapist 33 or something, and that every single one of those therapists left me or thier practice....not one of those was a mutual parting! and when u work thorugh stuff, u tend to really bond with that person and develop an attachment...and when they leave it leaves a wound. It heals...and soon it scars...but later another rips it back open...it heals and so on. So this has been really rough for me to let her in...and here we go again.
I'm so DONE!
I call a friend in a panic over this news, and really want to engage in "target behavior"...instead i'm instructed to go take my dog for a jog and do something extremely physical. WOW! it worked! and my dog was probably happy too :)
the whole rest of the day was a juggling act....and mind u i had not slept yet! I got done jogging at about noon. Had to take a friend to a doctors appointment by 2. Went and bought film during her appointment. Shot some pix when we got back to the house. Had yoga at 5pm. Came home and was up late shooting the digital photoshoot with the lighting kit till 11.
Went and saw my mom for an hour...then came home and FINALLY went to bed!
Woke up this morning...was an hour late for class....
sat through a photographic history lesson and then had lunch.
During my lunch break i continued to shoot the film assignment and a dose of caffeine.
Showed up to Photoshop class and everyone is leaving...i ask what's going on and i'm informed "Were going on a field trip!!!" WHAT!?!?!?
My teacher decided since it was below freezing outside that it was a perfect oppertunity to go out to Multnomah Falls and take pix!
Well wouldn't you know it...i didn't bring my freaking camera to school today! all i have is my film cam. I asked if that's okay, and she agrees.
so we load up into vans...and off we go.
Spent about a half hour shooting some georgeous pix of the falls all frozen. then my teacher bought us all hot chocolate!!! so sweet. and let me tell you, hot chocolate has never been so blissful! i hugged, and groped that cup like crazy! it felt sooooooo good on my frozen fingers!
I dont have my pix cuz they are film, but my friend Shasta took this georgous shot today!
Back to school....finally hear status on my mother that the angioplasty was a no go, and that the next step will be a double bipass surgery...but they cant do that if the tissue is dead. So they did some tests, but no results yet.
Next up developing all that film!
Into the darkroom we go...it's been months since i've been in one! i missed it sooo much. It felt so damn good to get my hands dirty, and smell those chemicals! :) teehee.
Paired up with my friend Mick and between the two of us, we developed six rolls of film in an hour! we go! :) got an extention on the assignment till saturday morning. Going to finish up tomorrow afternoon.
Run one last errand, and here i am! home and sitting! yeh!
Called my mom, and still no progress. She said to stay home and get some rest, and I can come see her in the monring.
Sounds good to me. I'm ready to crash!
So there u have it folks...my last crazy 168 hours!
*Hoodlum*
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